We treat it like a wise friend who can give us the answers we’re looking for. We trick ourselves into believing that there’s some cure for our longing and dissatisfaction, hidden somewhere online. We tell ourselves that we’re looking for information or even just killing time online, but there’s a stronger emotional motive than that: We’re looking for some way to feel whole, to feel loved, to feel calm, to feel turned on, to feel needed, to feel desired, to feel GOOD about the world and our places in it. Likewise, working very hard and being focused on your career can be a way of trying to feel whole. People who are successful at creative careers often have a long history of funneling their obsessive energy toward some goal: They socialize with a vengeance, they work hard, and they channel their insecurities and longings into figuring out how to be persuasive and entertaining. Their intense emotional insecurity drives them to crack the code: This is how you entertain people and win their love. This is how you charm people and convince them to put their confidence in you. This is how you seduce new friends and new lovers.
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